Friday, September 11, 2009

Sleepwalking Through a Draft.

Football is here. And so is UPL - McNair Dating Service. Because we're classy.

And we had our draft this past weekend. Which I almost slept through. It wasn't like it was super early. 10:45 on a Saturday is a normal time for most humans. Naturally, I roll out of bed at 10:40, stumble downstairs, and draft... sort of. I have to say, I'm not nearly as excited about fantasy football as I normally am. Normally, I'm hunting for a Roland Slam. This year's baseball season has been frustrating, as I'm currently in 3rd/4th, hanging around closely enough so that a miracle finish can still put me into first, but not enough so that I'm taking it seriously. And since the Roland Slam '09 isn't happening, my interest in football is only moderate. Then, to make things even less exciting, I quickly learned that I was picking last. 14th out of 14. Probably not a great sign.

I wasn't as mad at the fact that I was going to be picking last as I was mad at the fact that I could have slept for another 25 minutes or so. But it was going to be OK. The draft is always a good time, even if we're getting old and recycling the same jokes year after year. For example, Greg has noted:

"Whenever someone with either unproven talent or a culturally diverse name (or both) was picked, Roland never missed the opportunity to ask, "Who the hell is that?"--again."

And of course, we had the usual jokes about autodrafting injured/incarcerated/dead players. Sadly, we just missed out on the Shawne Merriman/Tila Tequila jokes. But at least we still hae Donte Stallworth and Plaxico Burress jokes to keep us entertained. Yeah. Some things never change.

So the draft unfolds pretty much according to plan, though some would argue that Schultzie went for Matt Forte went a little too early at #2 overall. And C-Lauff may have stretched just a bit with Andre Johnson. But here's the thing. These players weren't going to be around in the next round. If you like a guy, you get the guy. And of course, as we get to the end of the round, Rupert comments about how everyone's been disciplined and not taken QB's yet. So naturally, I decide that needed to end. 1st pick of the O.N. Thugs? Tom Brady at #14 overall. Screw it. We've always had more of an emphasis on QB's in the UPL. Plus, fantasy football is basically having the skill to make sure that you finish in the top 8, and then you flip coins to get a champ. If I'm going to flip coins, I'm going to do so with guys who are going to be consistently good.

Round 1
1. Adrian Peterson Green Bay Sl...
2. Matt Forte reggie's busn
3. Michael Turner The GenErics
4. Maurice Jones-Drew FireZookNow.com
5. LaDainian Tomlinson I giocatori ...
6. Larry Fitzgerald Superbowl Sh...
7. Andre Johnson IamJabrone
8. DeAngelo Williams TheJimmyDixS...
9. Brandon Jacobs SuckMyFootballs
10. Steve Slaton reggie's bush
11. Steven Jackson Westy's Passers
12. Brian Westbrook D. Rose SAT ...
13. Chris Johnson Dino's Revenge
14. Tom Brady O.N. Thugs

And of course, I have to follow up my Brady pick with his teammate, Randy Moss. So Brady to Moss belongs to the O.N. Thugs this year. I can think of worse duos.

Round 2
1. Randy Moss O.N. Thugs
2. Drew Brees Dino's Revenge
3. Peyton Manning D. Rose SAT ...
4. Frank Gore Westy's Passers
5. Calvin Johnson reggie's bush
6. Marion Barber SuckMyFootballs
7. Tony Romo TheJimmyDixS...
8. Clinton Portis IamJabrone
9. Steve Smith Superbowl Sh...
10. Aaron Rodgers I giocatori ...
11. Reggie Wayne FireZookNow.com
12. Greg Jennings The GenErics
13. Matt Ryan reggie's busn
14. Pierre Thomas Green Bay Sl...

The rest of the 2nd round goes, generally according to plan, though Matt Ryan and Pierre Thomas may raise a few eyebrows. Curran resists the urge to pick up Tony Romo, opting for the safer choice of Drew Brees. Rookie takes big bro's safety net, when he goes Peyton. Mikey, instead goes with Aaron Rodgers... a decidedly non-I-giocatori sort of QB. And by that I mean that Mikey is associated w/ Peyton and Brees, generally. Consistent. Quality. On the other hand, Rodgers is flaky, a gambler, and (in my mind) overrated.

What's bad is that I picked 14 and 15. And then I picked again at 42 and 43. So, with the 26 pick gap, I started wandering around the kitchen, figuring out breakfast plans. An incredibly boring draft, actually... I hadn't even woken up enough to start trash talking. I get some food in the system, and still have a few minutes to see who's still on the board. And I notice that there weren't many RB's available that were worth 3rd and 4th round picks... I decided that I could get some crappy RB starters/question marks later on in the draft, and that I may as well get a couple more good WR's. Brandon Marshall and Ochocinco. Couple of relatively high risk picks, particularly with Marshall suspended by the Broncos (and since reinstated), and Ochocinco coming off a terrible season. But again, football's a gamble. Philip Rivers may be a relative bargain, compared to the 2nd round QB's. And you get the feeling that about half of the 3rd round is going to be busts (Ronnie Brown, Roddy White, Colston, Kevin Smith, Dewayne Bowe, Antonio Bryant, Joseph Addai, if I had to guess).

Round 3
1. Ronnie Brown Green Bay Sl...
2. Anquan Boldin reggie's busn
3. Philip Rivers The GenErics
4. Roddy White FireZookNow.com
5. Terrell Owens I giocatori ...
6. Ryan Grant Superbowl Sh...
7. T.J. Houshmandzadeh IamJabrone
8. Marques Colston TheJimmyDixS...
9. Wes Welker SuckMyFootballs
10. Dwayne Bowe reggie's bush
11. Kevin Smith Westy's Passers
12. Antonio Bryant D. Rose SAT ...
13. Joseph Addai Dino's Revenge
14. Brandon Marshall O.N. Thugs

Round 4
1. Chad Ochocinco O.N. Thugs
2. Reggie Bush Dino's Revenge
3. Thomas Jones D. Rose SAT ...
4. Kurt Warner Westy's Passers
5. Braylon Edwards reggie's bush
6. Santonio Holmes SuckMyFootballs
7. Tony Gonzalez TheJimmyDixS...
8. Ray Rice IamJabrone
9. Jason Witten Superbowl Sh...
10. Roy Williams I giocatori ...
11. Antonio Gates FireZookNow.com
12. Larry Johnson The GenErics
13. Eddie Royal reggie's busn
14. Donovan McNabb Green Bay Sl...

Of course, after I pick my two WR's, I promptly get another 26 pick break. OD may be getting a steal with Holmes in the 4th - he may take over as the clear #1 option for Roethlisberger. It feels a round too early for the TE's (even the ESPN commercials have them in the 5th round). I'm not sold on Ray Rice at all, at least not in the 4th. Ditto for Eddie Royal.

And the 5th round rolls in...

Round 5
1. Vincent Jackson Green Bay Sl...
2. Willie Parker reggie's busn
3. Dallas Clark The GenErics
4. Marshawn Lynch FireZookNow.com
5. Derrick Ward I giocatori ...
6. Darren McFadden Superbowl Sh...
7. Anthony Gonzalez IamJabrone
8. Jamal Lewis TheJimmyDixS...
9. Jay Cutler SuckMyFootballs
10. Felix Jones reggie's bush
11. DeSean Jackson Westy's Passers
12. Hines Ward D. Rose SAT ...
13. Greg Olsen Dino's Revenge
14. Cedric Benson O.N. Thugs

We're starting to see the bad starting RB's/2nd RB's start to go. Mikey gets unlucky with Ward, who appears to be the backup now. So, I have to get on the bandwagon. Cedric Benson in the 5th. and Knowshon Moreno in the 6th... before I get to wait for another 30 minutes. At least, at this point, I'm starting to make jokes in the chat room. I believe that we got our first dead player joke with some comment about Steve McNair.

Round 6
1. Knowshon Moreno O.N. Thugs
2. Donald Driver Dino's Revenge
3. Bernard Berrian D. Rose SAT ...
4. Lee Evans Westy's Passers
5. Matt Schaub reggie's bush
6. Santana Moss SuckMyFootballs
7. Lance Moore TheJimmyDixS...
8. Carson Palmer IamJabrone
9. Eli Manning Superbowl Sh...
10. Jerricho Cotchery I giocatori ...
11. Jonathan Stewart FireZookNow.com
12. Rashard Mendenhall The GenErics
13. Chris Henry reggie's busn
14. Donnie Avery Green Bay Sl...

I have a suspicion that Carson Palmer in the 6th becomes a good value... at least, I'm hoping it does, since I've got Ochocinco... and it's at this point when people are basically guessing.

Round 7
1. Kevin Walter Green Bay Sl...
2. Jermichael Finley reggie's busn
3. Laveranues Coles The GenErics
4. Torry Holt FireZookNow.com
5. Leon Washington I giocatori ...
6. Derrick Mason Superbowl Sh...
7. LenDale White IamJabrone
8. Le'Ron McClain TheJimmyDixS...
9. Kellen Winslow SuckMyFootballs
10. Ahmad Bradshaw reggie's bush
11. Chris Cooley Westy's Passers
12. Owen Daniels D. Rose SAT ...
13. Michael Jenkins Dino's Revenge
14. Baltimore O.N. Thugs

Round 7 rolls in, and I finally get to throw out my, "Who the hell's Jermichael Finley?" And it wasn't just me Rup was equally confused, which is sort of strange since Rup is normally all about drafting unproven rookies early. At this point we're looking at more 2nd RB's, 2nd/3rd tier TE's. Instead of guessing at one of these guys, I decide to go with a more certain pick. Baltimore D. That's the D that I like, so I run with it. And I still need another RB, so I go with a high upside one in Darren Sproles in the 8th, before I go take another 25 minute nap.

Round 8
1. Darren Sproles O.N. Thugs
2. Percy Harvin Dino's Revenge
3. Devin Hester D. Rose SAT ...
4. Domenik Hixon Westy's Passers
5. Pittsburgh reggie's bush
6. New York SuckMyFootballs
7. Chicago TheJimmyDixS...
8. LeSean McCoy IamJabrone
9. Tennessee Superbowl Sh...
10. Beanie Wells I giocatori ...
11. Matt Cassel FireZookNow.com
12. Michael Crabtree The GenErics
13. Philadelphia reggie's busn
14. Zach Miller Green Bay Sl...

I think that at this point, the whole draft was in a bit of a coma. We make fun of Eric for getting Crabtree, who still isn't under contract. And I think that most people are thinking to themselves, "Who the hell's LeSean McCoy? or Zach Miller? Or Percy Harvin? Or..." We're definitely guessing. So at this point, I'm still missing a TE. But we're getting a little thin, so any pick now is a stretch. I actually really like Dustin Keller, since he's athletic, a good receiver, and has a rookie QB throwing. But he'll probably be available late in the draft, so during my 26 pick hiatus, I make a decision. I'm going to draft individual defensive players soon. I go with a 4th WR and a 4th RB in the 9th and 10th round (Ted Ginn and Ricky Williams), but decide that I'd go IDP for the 4 rounds after that. Ordinarily, this would be a little early. But we're playing 4 IDP's this year, so there's a little more value for these guys. So, I want to make sure that I get the guys that I want. And I target Ed Reed, Josh Wilson and Terrance McGee. Ed Reed's a future HOF 'er and an O.N. Thugs staple. So, I'd probably prefer to go Reed and McGee, since both are familiar players for me. But Wilson's probably the better play. Both Wilson and McGee are CB's who start, get their fair share of tackles (to guarantee at least 4 or 5 points), and make big plays (give you the chance at getting 15+ points). Plus, they return kicks. But I have a gameplan, at least.

Round 9
1. Minnesota Green Bay Sl...
2. BenJarvus Green-Ellis reggie's busn
3. Ben Roethlisberger The GenErics
4. Dallas FireZookNow.com
5. Visanthe Shiancoe I giocatori ...
6. Donald Brown Superbowl Sh...
7. New York IamJabrone
8. Mark Clayton TheJimmyDixS...
9. Willis McGahee SuckMyFootballs
10. Jeremy Shockey reggie's bush
11. Miami Westy's Passers
12. New England D. Rose SAT ...
13. Julius Jones Dino's Revenge
14. Ted Ginn Jr. O.N. Thugs

I'm sure that we had a Roethlisberger joke when he went off the board. Ginn looks to be an upside pick for me.

Round 10
1. Ricky Williams O.N. Thugs
2. Chris Chambers Dino's Revenge
3. Ed Reed D. Rose SAT ...
4. Stephen Gostkowski Westy's Passers
5. Jerious Norwood reggie's bush
6. David Akers SuckMyFootballs
7. Robbie Gould TheJimmyDixS...
8. Josh Morgan IamJabrone
9. Fred Jackson Superbowl Sh...
10. Tampa Bay I giocatori ...
11. Rob Bironas FireZookNow.com
12. Green Bay The GenErics
13. Muhsin Muhammad reggie's busn
14. Kris Brown Green Bay Sl...

A kicker went off the board (autodraft induced mistake), which sets off a run on kickers (lemming induced mistakes). I'm a little sad when Ed Reed went off the board. I end up going through with my Wilson/McGee plan. And Mikey suspects that I'm actually looking at his draft list. Apparently he had a similar idea. So, it's a good thing that I took them when I did.

Round 11
1. Justin Miller Green Bay Sl...
2. Edgerrin James reggie's busn
3. Steve Breaston The GenErics
4. Allen Rossum FireZookNow.com
5. Earl Bennett I giocatori ...
6. Tim Hightower Superbowl Sh...
7. Fred Taylor IamJabrone
8. Patrick Willis TheJimmyDixS...
9. Brett Favre SuckMyFootballs
10. Matt Hasselbeck reggie's bush
11. Will Blackmon Westy's Passers
12. Jared Allen D. Rose SAT ...
13. Earnest Graham Dino's Revenge
14. Terrence McGee O.N. Thugs

Round 12
1. Josh Wilson O.N. Thugs
2. Miles Austin Dino's Revenge
3. Sammy Morris D. Rose SAT ...
4. Ryan Denney Westy's Passers
5. Deion Branch reggie's bush
6. Isaac Bruce SuckMyFootballs
7. Joe Flacco TheJimmyDixS...
8. James Davis IamJabrone
9. Kevin Curtis Superbowl Sh...
10. Ellis Hobbs I giocatori ...
11. Craig Terrill FireZookNow.com
12. Ryan Longwell The GenErics
13. Mason Crosby reggie's busn
14. Leodis McKelvin Green Bay Sl...

It's looking like there will be some good vlue in the 11th. Fred Taylor, Steve Breaston, and Brett Favre all could end up being regular fantasy starters. And Sammy Morris in the 12th has extra value in the UPL because we give points for receptions. Deion Branch could be a winner, as well.

With Wilson and McGee, I had my DB and my D set up, so I still needed a DL and a LB. I was hoping for Patrick Willis, but JimmyDix grabbed him in the 11th. My next thought was Jerod Mayo, who looks to be a stud in New England. So, he becomes an O.N. Thug. And I go with Jason Taylor, who's coming off of a bad season, but could be an impact player, as offenses are going to gameplan for Joey Porter.

Round 13
1. Mike Vrabel Green Bay Sl...
2. Justin Gage reggie's busn
3. Correll Buckhalter The GenErics
4. Danieal Manning FireZookNow.com
5. Jeremy Maclin I giocatori ...
6. Kenny Britt Superbowl Sh...
7. Jon Beason IamJabrone
8. Michael Lewis TheJimmyDixS...
9. Ray Lewis SuckMyFootballs
10. Jordy Nelson reggie's bush
11. Quintin Demps Westy's Passers
12. Devery Henderson D. Rose SAT ...
13. Vernon Davis Dino's Revenge
14. Jerod Mayo O.N. Thugs

Round 14
1. Jason Taylor O.N. Thugs
2. San Diego Dino's Revenge
3. John Carney D. Rose SAT ...
4. Jon Alston Westy's Passers
5. Chester Taylor reggie's bush
6. Julius Peppers SuckMyFootballs
7. T.J. Rushing TheJimmyDixS...
8. John Carlson IamJabrone
9. James Harrison Superbowl Sh...
10. Kirk Morrison I giocatori ...
11. Keith Ellison FireZookNow.com
12. Heath Miller The GenErics
13. Tramon Williams reggie's busn
14. Willie Williams Green Bay Sl...

At this point, everyone else is starting to round out their individual defensive players. I need to go back to my reserve offensive players (and a TE). Dustin Keller's still there in the 15th.

Round 15
1. Shonn Greene Green Bay Sl...
2. Adrian Wilson reggie's busn
3. Antrel Rolle The GenErics
4. David Garrard FireZookNow.com
5. Terrell Suggs I giocatori ...
6. Troy Polamalu Superbowl Sh...
7. Justin Tuck IamJabrone
8. Lamar Divens TheJimmyDixS...
9. Jonathan Vilma SuckMyFootballs
10. Ladell Betts reggie's bush
11. Kyle Orton Westy's Passers
12. DeMarcus Ware D. Rose SAT ...
13. DeMeco Ryans Dino's Revenge
14. Dustin Keller O.N. Thugs

Round 16
1. Carnell Williams O.N. Thugs
2. Karlos Dansby Dino's Revenge
3. Joey Porter D. Rose SAT ...
4. T.J. Duckett Westy's Passers
5. John Kasay reggie's bush
6. Ronde Barber SuckMyFootballs
7. Nate Burleson TheJimmyDixS...
8. Jake Delhomme IamJabrone
9. Anthony Fasano Superbowl Sh...
10. Chad Pennington I giocatori ...
11. Mark Bradley FireZookNow.com
12. Jon McGraw The GenErics
13. Lance Briggs reggie's busn
14. Trent Edwards Green Bay Sl...

I add on Cadillac Williams, who's the most talented back in Tampa. Luckily, he's also become #1 on the depth chart. I also note that I don't really have a backup QB. But I stick w/ my instincts and get Williams. I figure that if Brady goes down, my season's done, anyway. And maybe some reasonable QB's will still be there when I draft again. Worst case scenario, I just go grab Shaun Hill off free agency if I need a QB. Unfortunately, Delhomme and Pennington both go in the 16th. Looks like Shaun Hill's my backup QB!

The 17th-20th rounds are basically just a couple gambles, plus a kicker. I go with 3 WR's: the Raiders rookie WR, Heyward-Bey, another Raider WR, Javon Walker, and Brandon Stokley. 20th round is Nate Kaeding as my kicker. Some where in there, I throw in a Donte Stallworth joke, since it wouldn't be right to have a draft without joking about NFL murderers (and no one was drafting Leonard Little).

Round 17
1. Justin Fargas Green Bay Sl...
2. John Abraham reggie's busn
3. Alex Hall The GenErics
4. Jamaal Charles FireZookNow.com
5. Tony Scheffler I giocatori ...
6. Jason Campbell Superbowl Sh...
7. Gibril Wilson IamJabrone
8. Nate Washington TheJimmyDixS...
9. Joey Galloway SuckMyFootballs
10. Tank Daniels reggie's bush
11. Sidney Rice Westy's Passers
12. Kerry Collins D. Rose SAT ...
13. Steve Smith Dino's Revenge
14. Darrius Heyward-Bey O.N. Thugs

I'm still waiting for Sidney Rice to break out - the guy's got size and a QB, finally... I probably go with Rice over Heyward-Bey if Westy doesn't pick him up.

Round 18
1. Javon Walker O.N. Thugs
2. Mario Williams Dino's Revenge
3. Desmond Clark D. Rose SAT ...
4. Brian Robiskie Westy's Passers
5. Jordan Senn reggie's bush
6. Oshiomogho Atogwe SuckMyFootballs
7. Andre Brown TheJimmyDixS...
8. Barrett Ruud IamJabrone
9. London Fletcher Superbowl Sh...
10. Glen Coffee I giocatori ...
11. Laurence Maroney FireZookNow.com
12. Jordan Reffett The GenErics
13. Michael Vick reggie's busn
14. Carolina Green Bay Sl...

We definitely had a couple jokes about how your pronounce Oshiomogho "NotGonnaWorkHereAnymore" Atogwe. I'm sure that I threw a "Who the hell's Glen Coffee?" in there, as well.

Round 19
1. Hakeem Nicks Green Bay Sl...
2. Matt Leinart reggie's busn
3. Michael Bush The GenErics
4. Michael Clayton FireZookNow.com
5. Chris Gamble I giocatori ...
6. Dwight Freeney Superbowl Sh...
7. Kevin Boss IamJabrone
8. Brent Celek TheJimmyDixS...
9. LaMont Jordan SuckMyFootballs
10. Jack Ikegwuonu reggie's bush
11. Jerome Harrison Westy's Passers
12. Kevin Faulk D. Rose SAT ...
13. Cedric Griffin Dino's Revenge
14. Brandon Stokley O.N. Thugs

Round 20
1. Nate Kaeding O.N. Thugs
2. Nick Folk Dino's Revenge
3. Matt Jones D. Rose SAT ...
4. Brandon Pettigrew Westy's Passers
5. John McCargo reggie's bush
6. Donald Lee SuckMyFootballs
7. Greg Camarillo TheJimmyDixS...
8. Jason Elam IamJabrone
9. Matt Bryant Superbowl Sh...
10. Bobby Wade I giocatori ...
11. Rian Lindell FireZookNow.com
12. Ronald Curry The GenErics
13. Martellus Bennett reggie's busn
14. Davone Bess Green Bay Sl...

And the UPL's Mr. Irrelevant is Davone Bess. Who the hell's Davone Bess?

All in all, I'm pretty happy with my team, considering I don't know who half of the players are (not true - it's just that I have zero clue how well about 75% of the players are going to do - giant crapshoot). At the very least, the scoring projections seem to think that I've got a shot. We'll see how that looks. In any case, we'll see how this season pans out... I suppose that we could just flip a few coins, and save ourselves some time.

-Chairman (aka O.N. Thugs)

3 comments:

Greg McConnell said...

I'm still waiting for that draft recap post somewhere in the future when your theme will be: "I prepared for weeks, poring over years of data. When the day of the draft finally arrived, I woke up at 8 a.m. to ensure that my Internet connection was functioning, there were no late-breaking injuries, and I would be at optimal mental performance by the time 10:45 a.m. rolled around..."

Oh, wait, I think I'll probably be waiting a while for that one...

Chairman said...

I don't think that we're going to see that post in the near future, either.

Maybe if we somehow ended up with a high-stakes cash keeper league, I may spend some time prepping for that draft... maybe.

CJ said...

I'm going to have nightmares about picking Romo. And losing to Curran thanks to Brees inhuman dominance of the lions