Field Trip: Livin Large at Miller Park

Its been a while since I updated on this blog. A lot happened, but the results have been less than noteworthy. My pitchers are pitching - strong strikeouts, decent stats (esp WHIP, which held up despite Mark Buehrle's best attemps) but it hasn't translated to "W"s, and actually led to an increase in losses. My hitters are struggling, as I've assembled a group that gets on base, steals bases and scores runs at the cost of RBIs and Slugging.

So as you might expect, the Jimmy Dix Longballs should probably be re-named the Jimmy Dix Smallballs. Not, um, that theres anything wrong with that.

Additionally, I dont even have many good baseball stories from life in Chicago as both teams are struggling and looking like duds. Check that, the Cubs are digging a hole that'll be tough to escape from while the Sox are essentially stalling to draw as many fans before the big ticket games start up where fans of the opposing teams swarm the Cell and turn it into Midest-Fenway. This White Sox team is flat, uninspired and largely impotent. Which is to be expected when your GM trades off your farm system but doesn't have the money to sign star players. All that's left is a crew of Has Been's and Never Weres.

So when Memorial Day weekend rolls around and most friends / family are out of town, what's a guy to do?

Road trip! I headed up to Milwaukee, which might as well be called "Chicago's Lake House" with all the FIBs running around up there. I got in on Saturday and purchased a ticket to the game that afternoon online for about 20 bucks before the fees and taxes. Shortly before game time I hopped on a bus (solely running to get people to and from the game) and headed out to see what the Brew Crew's home was like. The first thing I noticed coming up on the park was the plumes of smoke and tightly packed condition of the parking lot - this is a fanbase that takes pride in their tailgating! There were so many people grilling out in the parking lot that it smelled like cooked pork and beef product - not that I'm complaining. The second thing that I observed was that their drinking was keeping pace with their grilling. While walking through the parking lot to get to the park, I was offered a beer brat by a drunk family and happily accepted it while I watched the people next to them play a drinking game called Dizzy Bat, which I hadn't seen before.

Dizzy Bat starts out with a whiffle ball bat (one of the thick ones) with the end near the handle cut off. A beer is poured into the bat, from a can, which is then crushed by the bat holder and then kicked off to a pitcher. The batter then chugs the beer - while being timed - then has to put their head against the bat and spin around for as long as it took them to drink the beer. The pitcher collects beer cans then tosses to the batter, who has 3 swings to make contact. If the batter gets a hit, the pitcher does a shot. If the batter strikes out, the batter does a shot. Either way the batter then becomes the pitcher for the next person.

People were drunk. And fat. As a consequence of the BMI of the average Milwaukee resident, Miller Park has some of the most comfortable seating of any sports venue I've ever been to. The seats, specifically, were made for someone slightly taller but much wider than I am. Which made them perfect for me to lounge in, since most ballpark seats feel like they're made for kids only. One major plus to Miller Park - the addition of tables and eating spaces in the concorse that maintain sight lines to the field so that you can follow the action while eating something in relative comfort. Also, in right field on the first base line there's a section where instead of seats they have tables set up. I watched the game from one of those tables and can say that they were a really cool addition to the ballpark.

But somehow, in a state known for its tendencies to live solely on meat and cheese, Miller Park failed to produce good ballpark eats. They played it too safe in their choice of offerings. The bratwurst I had was okay, kind of bland, and served with the Miller Park Secret Sauce (psst - its not a secret, its Arbys Special Sauce). Not a bad offering, but a weak effort from the state which may have perfected the beer brat. And despite a concourse full of specialty food shacks featuring nachos, sliders and pasta bar, Miller Park gets a D for not having a cheese curds stand. Nobody's demanding that food be unique - the Cell's strong points are the Chicago style dog, churros and a ripped off version of a Maxwell St Polish. But I fail to see why ballparks dont do a little something extra, especially if the little changes will bring in more revenue.

And the game itself? Not too noteworthy, as Manny Parra faced off against Nieve. The game didn't even make it out of the first inning before deteriorating into a slugfest. But the people in Milwaukee sure do love Ryan Braun. And Corey Hart. And Prince Fielder. And the people watching was epic, as a solid 10% of the fans at the game were wandering around in a near-blackout state due to many hours of hard-core drinking and grilling. Alas, I got tired of watching the Mets and Brewers bullpen falter and headed back to my hotel to drink in the bar and watch the end of the Hawks game. Gotta love cheap drinks at the hotel bar.