| First Team | Second Team | |
| QB: | Drew Brees - Dino | Peyton Manning - D.Rose |
| WR: | Andre Johnson - Jabrone | DeSean Jackson - Westy |
| WR: | Wes Welker - GB Slappers | Brandon Marshall - O.N. Thugs |
| RB: | Chris Johnson - Dino | Steven Jackson - Westy |
| RB: | MoJo Drew - FireZook | Ray Rice - Jabrone |
| TE: | Dallas Clark - GenErics | Antonio Gates - FireZook |
| Flex: | Adrian Peterson - Jabrone | Thomas Jones - D.Rose |
| W/T Flex: | Randy Moss - O.N. Thugs | Larry Fitzgerald - Shufflers |
| K: | David Akers - SuckFootballs | Nate Kaeding - O.N. Thugs |
| DEF: | New Orleans - O.N. Thugs | Phiadelphia - Shufflers |
| DB: | Charles Woodson - 12th Place | Darren Sharper - GenErics |
| DL: | Jared Allen - D.Rose | Elvis Dumerville - 12th Place |
| LB: | Patrick Willis - JimmyDix | Brian Cushing - O.N. Thugs |
| D Flex: | Jon Beason - Jabrone | David Harris - O.N. Thugs |
| Honorable Mention | |
| QB: | Aaron Rodgers - I Giocatori |
| WR: | Reggie Wayne - FireZook |
| WR: | Miles Austin - Dino |
| RB: | Frank Gore - Westy |
| RB: | Ricky Williams - O.N. Thugs |
| TE: | Vernon Davis - Dino |
| Flex: | Joseph Addai - Dino |
| W/T Flex: | Steve Smith (NY) - Dino |
| K: | Rob Bironas - Westy |
| DEF: | San Francisco - FireZook |
| DB: | Brian Dawkins - n/a |
| DL: | Julius Peppers - SuckFootballs |
| LB: | Paul Posluszny - Dino |
| D Flex: | David Hawthorne - I Giocatori |
And of course, we do have some newer categories, the All-UPL Team Killers, as well as the All-UPL Upside Specials, which are pretty self-explanatory, once you see the lists. Basically, these are the draft/FA decisions that helped kill or make the teams that made these choices.
| Team Killers | Upside Specials | |
| QB: | Jay Cutler - SuckFootballs | Brett Favre - SuckFootballs |
| WR: | Calvin Johnson - Reggie'sBush | Miles Austin - Dino |
| WR: | Dwayne Bowe - Reggie'sBush | Steve Smith (NYG) - Dino |
| RB: | Brian Westbrook - D.Rose | Jamaal Charles - FireZook |
| RB: | Steve Slaton - Reggie'sBush | Ricky Williams - O.N. Thugs |
| TE: | Chris Cooley - Westy | Vernon Davis - Dino |
| Flex: | Clinton Portis - Jabrone | Darren Sproles - O.N. Thugs |
| W/T Flex: | Antonio Bryant - D.Rose | Sidney Rice - Westy |
| K: | Stephen Gostkowski - Westy | Nate Kaeding - O.N. Thugs |
| DEF: | New York Giants - SuckFootballs | New Orleans - O.N. Thugs |
| DB: | Justin Miller - GB Slappers | Charles Woodson - 12th Place |
| DL: | Willie Williams - GB Slappers | Jared Allen - D.Rose |
| LB: | Mike Vrabel - GB Slappers | Patrick Willis - JimmyDix |
| D Flex: | Allen Rossum - FireZook | David Harris - O.N. Thugs |
Note, the everything below is pending the outcome of the Bears game tonight, as Superbowl Shuffling's Matt Forte needs 65.48 points to pull off a miracle upset.
UPL MVP: Drew Brees - Dino's Revenge
UPL Offensive Player of the Year: Chris Johnson - Dino's Revenge
UPL Defensive Player of the Year: Patick Willis - JimmyDixSpecials
UPL Golden Toe Award: David Akers - SuckMyFootballs
UPL Offensive Rookie of the Year: Percy Harvin - Dino's Revenge
UPL Defensive Rookie of the Year: Brian Cushing - O.N. Thugs
UPL Comeback Player of the Year: Carson Palmer - IAmJabrone
UPL Out of Nowhere Player: Brent Celek - JimmyDixSpecials
Team of the Year: Dino's Revenge
Naturally, there were a few strange happenings along the way.
Most Lopsided Trade: Greg Olson (to Westy) for Jamaal Charles (to Dino)
Starting in week 10 (the first week after the trade), Charles' point totals: 29.20, 31.40, 24.80, 15.45, and in the 3 weeks of the playoffs: 34.35, 30.70, and 19.45. The next time you hear Westy whine about being "unlucky" remind him of this trade. And if you hear Curran brag, remind him about his gift from Westy. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
Much Ado About Nothing Trades: Wes Welker, Kellen Winslow, and Brett Favre (to GB Slappers) for Adrian Peterson, Todd Heap, and Chansi Stuckey (to SuckFootballs).
You'd figure that a trade featuring this many stars would have major championship implications. Instead, all it did was remove one team from playoff contention (SuckFootballs), while not doing enough to get the other team into the playoffs (GB Slappers). All told, it's pretty clear that OD got the shaft on this one (especially since Cutler just got worse and worse). But still. Not much of an effect here.
Whoops, I Should've Started That Guy: Jerome Harrison - IAmJabrone (Week 15).
It's not often that you see a running back reel off 286 yards on 34 carries, and score 3 TD and go for 56.10 fantasy points. And it's even less often that you see him on the bench, in favor of some dude named LeSean McCoy, who has set the record for the most capital letters in a name. And it's even less often that you see this mistake cost a team a return trip to the championship game (and probably back-to-back titles). The moral of this story is never trust someone with 4 capital letters in their name.
Laying an Egg When it Matters, and Scoring When It Doesn't: BradyToMoss - O.N. Thugs (Weeks 15 and 16).
Naturally, when it's for all the marbles in Week 15, we see BradyToMoss put up a combined 25.85 points, short of not only the 52.61 that the duo had averaged all season, but also short of the 36.61 that was projected (which would have won by a tiny margin). Then with the pressure off of, in the 3rd Place game, when they're projected for 48.18 points, BradyToMoss go nuts, and combine for 7 TD's, and put up a combined 81.73 points, and led the O.N. Thugs to the high score of the week.
Deja vu All Over Again: Superbowl Shuffling vs. the O.N. Thugs (2008 and 2009).
The O.N. Thugs are up by (number between 30 to 40) points, going into a night game, with Superbowl Shuffling's (name of black QB) needing to score some points to win. The (name of black QB) struggled early on, but was able to right the ship and squeeze out a victory for Superbowl Shuffling. Superbowl Shuffling was unable to complete the UPL Championship, when they were defeated in the finals by (eventual UPL champion). The loss to the (name of black QB)-led Superbowl Shuffling relegated the O.N. Thugs to the consolation bracket where they would have outscored (eventual UPL champion).
High-Level Performances: Dino's Revenge, O.N. Thugs, IAmJabrone, and Superbowl Shuffling.
All told, Dino's performance was one for the ages. Not only did he shatter the regular season points scored record by being the first team over 2500 points in the regular season (though, this is the first season we've used 4 IDP's), he continued the dominance in the playoffs by averaging about 213 points per game in the playoffs. Nearly as solid was the O.N. Thugs' regular season run with the 2nd highest all-time point total, but also a near-perfect 12-1 run. Their playoffs weren't terrible, but a hiccup in the semifinals has allowed the O.N. Thugs' to put a slightly different stamp on the UPL record books. Instead of being the best UPL Football team in history, this is now the best UPL team to not win a championship. The other semifinal teams were also impressive in the playoffs, posting the 4 highest totals in the 1st round of the playoffs. With the possible exception of Superbowl Shuffling in the finals, each score will be over 180, with a cumulative average of at least 202 points scored (likely 203 or 204, pending Matt Forte's performance on Monday Night Football). And as noted above, this also includes IAmJabrone's benching of Jerome Harrison's 56 fantasy points in the semifinals!
In any case, 2009 UPL Football was one for the record books. We'll see what the new decade brings.
-Chairman (aka O.N. Thugs)
people also hate soccer.